christuckmystory

Well today has been a very hectic day packing up for a 10day break in Turkey……there is so much I want to write but there is just not enough time…..I will have to save it all til I get back.

Its burning hot here in West Wickham as I sit here and write this.

My notebook is full of my thoughts, feelings and musings that I want to share and I will but my next post after this will be in september :O(

As ever I have ironed and packed mine and the childrens clothes, sorted out the dog and the budgies and my Phil is still doing his ironing lol…I should be used to this after 27 years!!

It usually stresses me out and we end up arguing but not this year……I told him what I was doing and am letting him just get on with what he needs to do….the house is in a complete mess but again once we leave in the morning it will look ok.

In the past this has been one of my many frustrations with my hubby but I now know how to deal with this particular frustration in a more effective manor.

At 3.10pm I just dropped my son’s laptop off to the shop and nearly ran over a dog in Hayes on the way there….right outside a pub full of people!  I stopped the car, got out and managed to pick the dog up.  He had no collar on…..I put him in the car wondering what the hell I was going to do with him seeing that I am flying early in the morning.

A Lady from the pub came over to me and offered to look after the dog until I came back…..I went back an hour later but the family and the dog were nowhere to be seen so hopefully the owner turned up for him!

Anyway back to today’s post.

Life is forever evolving, what might not have been an issue yesterday may have become one today. I don’t have all the answers and I get things wrong but I always strive to try and find an answer in order to make things better for everyone.

Ultimately everyone just wants to be happy. I want a happy marriage, happy children, a successful career, no money worries and HEALTH.

I want to share ‘My Story’ to inspire others to be BRAVE enough to make the changes necessary in their lives to make them HAPPY.

I have been compiling ‘My Story’ since Feb 2012 and its been emotional, having to face issues that I thought that I had dealt with , but all I have done is preserve the memories. Recently I went on ‘A Date with Dax Moy’ and he put alot of the turmoil that is going on in my head into perspective…..he said we need to take the memories out, play them over and over so that the ‘CD’ gets scratched then they will not be so raw in more and the memory starts to not impact you in the same way.

Whilst I have been compiling ‘ My Story’ for Karen I have had episodes of comfort eating. I feel extremely guilty about this because I know it does not serve purpose and I advise other people – my clients – not to do this.  I feel hypocritical but at the same time I am seeking help to get to the root cause of mine and in doing so I can help other people especially my Fat Busters & PT Clients.

My PT business is unique because of my past experiences and the way that I have handled things that have happened I feel that I am in a place where I can help other people turn their life around.

‘My Story’ will help other people realise that there are many people out there that can help them they just have to be BRAVE and ask for the help that they need.  The problem usually is what help do I need first!!

I have had counselling in the past but I have never had treatment such as CBT or Hypnotherapy. I have never been one for medication I want to be in control of what is going on in my body. I realise that for some people they need medication……but I am against it personally and even more so when Cori Withell the Nut Cracker bought to my attention the series of videos called:

If you have spare time please watch these short 10minute videos below…….they are very compelling…..thought provoking.

This series looks at Psychiatry and medication…..this is one of the main reasons why I left the Priory two months a go after 5 years being a Fitness Therapist.

I firmly believe that people can get well changing their lifestyle (nutrition and exercise) and getting therapeutic treatment such as CBT or hypnotherapy.

Oh dear I have had so much going on this last 6 months that I have forgotten something again!! Looking back as I am remembering and dealing with difficult emotions from the past I am becoming more and more forgetful with everyday things.

I received an email yesterday:

Oh gawd…..I don’t know that I really want to tell you all this but I promised myself that I would be honest and only telling the truth will set me free and help me achieve my goal of happiness and peace.

Why do I want to get my autobiography out there? Karen asked me this…..

I want people to know that no matter what they have experienced in the past that they can overcome it and change their future.

As you know I tried to write ‘My Story’ about 10 years ago but could not get past some of the emotions my recollections provoked. Over this time I have been ‘working’ on myself and tried to come to terms with who I am and who I want to be.

I thought I was there but no; I now realise that I have a long way to go but hey ho….. I have the rest of my life right? I have started the change process I can recognise behaviour patterns and the way I re-act to life events will see me grow and change rather than be stuck in the same old rut, playing the same old tune.

One of which I have been guilty of playing for a long time without realising it.

Messages what do they mean to you?

Although in the past I have been given some sound advise I often take this advise literally……the message in the fitness industry over the last 2 years is to get rid of the negative people in your life, surround yourself with positive people, this has caused me alot of turmoil.

I have been with my hubby for 27 years married for nearly 17 years (1995)….like most of you we have had our ups and downs, our laughs and our challenges.

Over the last few years I have felt that my husband has been unsupportive of everything I have been trying to achieve especially in my business life (please don’t judge….this is my perception!)

In my head the message ‘get rid of the negative people in your life, surround yourself with positive people’ has been playing around in my head. The message has also gotten louder by the fitness industry saying ‘Get Rid of the Energy Vampires’ from your life.

I have been thinking well my hubby is not supporting me, he has been saying NO to everything that I want to do, he has not been helping me in anyway shape or form…….

My hubby has his own health issues – diabetes, psoriasis, high blood pressure, kidney stones, weight issues, depression and I feel like I am the BEST person to help him and because he has flatly refused to do this I have taken it badly. To be truthful I have been at a loss on how to get round this issue.

I feel like people are judging me when I am out with him….in fact some people have directly said to both of us….some of hubby’s friends ‘You are a health & fitness coach and your husband looks like that!’ ‘You cant be very good if you cannot help your husband!’

I have taken this as being a failure at my job and in reality I have withdrawn from my husband and have stopped communicating with him over this period of time – last 10 years!

In a roundabout way thinking I would be helping my husband over the last 18months I have put everything in place to help people change their lives……I have been on courses, read books, atttended seminars, done an internship with Dax Moy, attended webinars etc etc.

• Nutrition
• Fitness
• Mindset
• Kinetic Chain
• Massage

I have increased my business model from teaching Classes/Bootcamps/Personal training.

My own experience of having hip surgery 2011 7 2012 has taught me that nutrition is 100% key in leading a healthy lifestyle. I could not exercise properly for over a year, if I had not watched what I was eating and how much I was eating I would have put on alot of weight.

I learnt that when I was emotionally upset then my eating could get out of control…..comfort eating and this did happen occasionally. When I ate badly them my mood would plummet. A direct link of cause and effect.

I made a video of how I was feeling at the time……..http://youtu.be/XEcmSy5SB40

Life is a learning experience.

Anyway my Coach explained to me that I need to stop trying to change Phil. I need to look at myself and change me. I need to think about what I say and what I do and change my response to things going on in my home and relationships and stop reacting to things.

At first this was a bitter pill to follow……i thought why is it me that needs to do all the work? why is it me that needs to do all the changing? In my mind we are both at fault so we should both change!

I told the coach that I had tried everything over the years. His response to me was….that is all the past….today is a new day…..start a fresh.

He told me that I needed to praise my husband and kids for all the small things they do and keeping on praising them. Sit back and see what happens. I was really sceptical but I want things to change…..we are all tired of fighting.

Well its bloody miraculous what this has done in just a few days!! Things are alot more positive and happier in the household even though none of the root problems have not been sorted.

My coach told me I have to stop putting everything into boxes! He said my whole life is been about survival and having an action plan and that has served me well up til now. However relationships cannot be put into boxes….relationships are like a maze they go all over the place.

I have to learn to stop ‘fighting’/I don’t need to survive any more. I need to live, relax and enjoy life.

I will go into some of the specific things we discussed over the next few posts. but some of the things that have come to light is that I need to work on my inner child, my sex abuse, my comfort eating in times of stress – I need the feeling of a full stomach when I am stressed.

Well this has been quite a frank and truthful post and exhausting so I am going to leave this here and type up the next post soon……I am going on my jollies soon so the next post will be the last for 10days.

Thank you for reading and supporting :O)

Chris x

I am feeling pretty exhausted today with my own emotional turmoil only to be expected really.

However my clients are doing fantastically well….all of them growing in their own way. Either getting fitter, eating more nutritional food, dropping weight and inches or just changing their mindsets.

Facebook PM received from Emma Clark today:

“Thanks so much for all your help in getting me back in shape I really appreciate it. I will keep going and be happy again!”

Thank you card received from Cheryl Bristow today:

“Thank you very much for all your help & advice. You have really helped me and made me feel so much better & more confident. I cant thank you enough, with love Cheryl.”

All their achievements make me smile and and grow. Their achievements make me feel good, their disappointments I feel for them and wonder what I can do differently to help. I am always racking my brain for a solution, researching on the internet, asking other fit-pros’  or reading books.

BUT I do feel exhausted at the moment, getting ready to go on holiday and tying up all the work that needs to be done before I go is alot of exta pressure……will be worth it in the end though.

Karen sent me a draft today of ‘My Story’ which I have gone through over the last few hours to make amendments to it.

I cannot thank Karen enough to work through my emotions to bring this book to life. It is still a WIP and needs alot more work but the essence is there.

I have been seeing a life coach over the last 3 weeks and already some of the work that I have done to ‘change’ myself is working. When I have read ‘My Story’ today is has been less emotional for me so onwards and upwards :O)

I am writing a seperate blog at the moment about my sessions with the Life Coach…..as I was writing this yesterday I have really opened up with my feelings and my thoughts and I feel really vulnerable publishing this at this time.

I need  a few more days I think to reconcile my feelings about what I am about to share.

All I know is that I want to be authentic and true to myself so I should just go ahead and publish it but then on the over hand I feel scared at the consequences of sharing.

What are people going to think? should I be sharing such intimate thoughts with all and sundry? should I be hanging out my dirty laundry in public?

Well I know I have moved on a small step today and to me that is priceless.

I fill an inner peace coming over me as I am blogging and as ‘My Story’ is being written.

I am blogging amongst dirty dishes from dinner, clothes and things everywhere getting ready for holiday, 1 hour before I have to get out to work and teach Pilates and LBT.

This is really important to me…..getting ‘My Story’ out there to inspire other people :O)

Bye for now :O)

As I write my book I will be sharing with you the ups and downs emotionally and physically.

I tried to write ‘My Story’ about 10 years ago……I thought I was ready. I have had counselling in the past, I thought I had dealt with my emotions……I really wanted to tell people about ‘My Story’. I truly thought it would help people so I started to write about 20 pages of notes in a small book.  But actually putting pen to paper proved to be a different story…….as I thought about what happened the significant memories that I have it were too painful to carry on.

I felt anger, humiliation, deep hurt, regret and confusion. I was shaking and crying at the unjustness of it all. I put my notes away in a briefcase in the loft because I did not want anyone to find them especially my children.

I was emotionally drained for a couple of days but just shut everything off in my brain and carried on with my life. Patting myself on the back ‘for dealing with it’.

I thought no-one would really want to read what I had been through anyway so it was just as well to abandon the idea and protect myself from further hurt.

After all it was done and dusted…..wasn’t it?…..it was all in the past…..

I seemed to have been analysing myself all my life……trying to figure out why I was so different to my siblings….why had I managed to ‘come through’ things seemingly unscathed and intact? I have read many other similar autobiographies like ‘The Boy Called It’ to try and get an understanding of why there are such mean people in this world.

People who are adults…..that should be loving and protective….but in reality they are cruel, unloving, uncaring and aggressive.

I have had peers, experts who are more articulate than me explain to me the reasons for this and the reasons for that……most of this advise has been in the last 6 months as I have REALLY been trying to sort myself out; whilst putting together ‘My Story’.

As the result of my journey over the last 18months, I now feel that the time is right to pick up my ‘old’ notebook confront my emotions and get ‘My Story’ out there. Even if ‘My Story’ only helps one person to turn their life around I will be truly happy.

But selfishly this is also for me, it is a chance for me to recognise what I have achieved publicly, to shout from the roof tops that the past was not my fault, but staying with the emotions and the hurt in the present is my choice and I choose to leave this behind. I want to be truly happy and at peace.

I feel that I am still carrying alot of baggage personally and I didn’t realise it until it was pointed out to me over the last 2 months! Finally writing ‘My Story’ with the help of Karen Laing will lead me to peace and happiness.

Karen & I meet up in Feb this year to talk about the outline of ‘My Story’ and this was a big step for me. Since Feb I have been on an emotional roller coaster; in the main one that I have been in control of  but occasionally I have had a blip :O) all to be expected really!

Whilst I have been dealing with the upset and issues caused by ‘My Story’ I have been able to function on my Health & Fitness Business and all my clients because this is one area of my life that I am 100% fine with. Because of my experiences and knowledge I am able to help all my clients in many ways.

Helping others with their lives is easy for me…….there are no strong emotional ties……hmmmm even though I do feel some clients take a little piece of me but they also give LOTS back! :O)

My true PURPOSE and PASSION in life is achieving  happiness & peace for me, my family, my siblings and my clients. This is an ongoing process and life throws as many curve balls that may make the journey bumpy and at times it may seem impossible.

Follow ‘My Story’ and you will realise that everything is possible, every barrier can be broken, there is always a way……you just have to ask and seek it out.

One of my challenges has been to ask for the help in the first place!!