Oh gawd…..I don’t know that I really want to tell you all this but I promised myself that I would be honest and only telling the truth will set me free and help me achieve my goal of happiness and peace.
Why do I want to get my autobiography out there? Karen asked me this…..
I want people to know that no matter what they have experienced in the past that they can overcome it and change their future.
As you know I tried to write ‘My Story’ about 10 years ago but could not get past some of the emotions my recollections provoked. Over this time I have been ‘working’ on myself and tried to come to terms with who I am and who I want to be.
I thought I was there but no; I now realise that I have a long way to go but hey ho….. I have the rest of my life right? I have started the change process I can recognise behaviour patterns and the way I re-act to life events will see me grow and change rather than be stuck in the same old rut, playing the same old tune.
One of which I have been guilty of playing for a long time without realising it.
Messages what do they mean to you?
Although in the past I have been given some sound advise I often take this advise literally……the message in the fitness industry over the last 2 years is to get rid of the negative people in your life, surround yourself with positive people, this has caused me alot of turmoil.
I have been with my hubby for 27 years married for nearly 17 years (1995)….like most of you we have had our ups and downs, our laughs and our challenges.
Over the last few years I have felt that my husband has been unsupportive of everything I have been trying to achieve especially in my business life (please don’t judge….this is my perception!)
In my head the message ‘get rid of the negative people in your life, surround yourself with positive people’ has been playing around in my head. The message has also gotten louder by the fitness industry saying ‘Get Rid of the Energy Vampires’ from your life.
I have been thinking well my hubby is not supporting me, he has been saying NO to everything that I want to do, he has not been helping me in anyway shape or form…….
My hubby has his own health issues – diabetes, psoriasis, high blood pressure, kidney stones, weight issues, depression and I feel like I am the BEST person to help him and because he has flatly refused to do this I have taken it badly. To be truthful I have been at a loss on how to get round this issue.
I feel like people are judging me when I am out with him….in fact some people have directly said to both of us….some of hubby’s friends ‘You are a health & fitness coach and your husband looks like that!’ ‘You cant be very good if you cannot help your husband!’
I have taken this as being a failure at my job and in reality I have withdrawn from my husband and have stopped communicating with him over this period of time – last 10 years!
In a roundabout way thinking I would be helping my husband over the last 18months I have put everything in place to help people change their lives……I have been on courses, read books, atttended seminars, done an internship with Dax Moy, attended webinars etc etc.
- Kinetic Chain
I have increased my business model from teaching Classes/Bootcamps/Personal training.
My own experience of having hip surgery 2011 7 2012 has taught me that nutrition is 100% key in leading a healthy lifestyle. I could not exercise properly for over a year, if I had not watched what I was eating and how much I was eating I would have put on alot of weight.
I learnt that when I was emotionally upset then my eating could get out of control…..comfort eating and this did happen occasionally. When I ate badly them my mood would plummet. A direct link of cause and effect.
I made a video of how I was feeling at the time……..http://youtu.be/XEcmSy5SB40
Life is a learning experience.
Anyway my Coach explained to me that I need to stop trying to change Phil. I need to look at myself and change me. I need to think about what I say and what I do and change my response to things going on in my home and relationships and stop reacting to things.
At first this was a bitter pill to follow……i thought why is it me that needs to do all the work? why is it me that needs to do all the changing? In my mind we are both at fault so we should both change!
I told the coach that I had tried everything over the years. His response to me was….that is all the past….today is a new day…..start a fresh.
He told me that I needed to praise my husband and kids for all the small things they do and keeping on praising them. Sit back and see what happens. I was really sceptical but I want things to change…..we are all tired of fighting.
Well its bloody miraculous what this has done in just a few days!! Things are alot more positive and happier in the household even though none of the root problems have not been sorted.
My coach told me I have to stop putting everything into boxes! He said my whole life is been about survival and having an action plan and that has served me well up til now. However relationships cannot be put into boxes….relationships are like a maze they go all over the place.
I have to learn to stop ‘fighting’/I don’t need to survive any more. I need to live, relax and enjoy life.
I will go into some of the specific things we discussed over the next few posts. but some of the things that have come to light is that I need to work on my inner child, my sex abuse, my comfort eating in times of stress – I need the feeling of a full stomach when I am stressed.
Well this has been quite a frank and truthful post and exhausting so I am going to leave this here and type up the next post soon……I am going on my jollies soon so the next post will be the last for 10days.
Thank you for reading and supporting :O)