christuckmystory

by “Breaking The Cycle” – With The Survival School; Health for Your Mind & Body

Have you ever REALLY listened to your ‘internal’ voice? What does it say to you? Does your internal voice say positive things to you?

Like….

• I love you
• I thing you are great
• You can do this
• I am behind you 100%
• You are beautiful
• You are a work in progress and you will achieve what you set out to achieve

Or does it say negative things to you?

Like….

• I hate you
• I don’t like you
• You are fat
• You are useless
• There must be something wrong with you
• You are not ugly
• You have nothing to offer anyone
• You are stupid
• You are a waste of space

When you are bought up in a loving environment your parent’s role is to teach you, encourage you, praise you and guide you. This helps build up your self esteem bank account, makes you feel good about yourself. If you have had a happy and fulfilling upbringing you would have heard the phrases listed out in the positive list above. This is how it should be.

When you are bought up in a loveless critical environment you would have heard many of the phrases in the negative list.

Whichever phrases you hear on a daily basis you will grow up believing that you are this person because you know no better.

I myself had a bit of both…I share all my experiences with you in my book “Through The eyes Of A Child”.

Up till the age of 7 I believed I was treated with love and respect…enough for me to see me through the years of abuse from the ages of 7-15. I believe it gave me enough self esteem to bounce back each time because I knew that there was another way, life, was not meant to be like this. However my younger sister and brother can only remember the years of negativity and do not seem to be able to get themselves out of the negative cycle very easily.

To build your self esteem:

• you need to notice and acknowledge your achievements (any)
• you need to set realistic expectations for yourself
• you need to monitor and evaluate your progress
• you need to be prepared to change course if needed

At no stage should you ridicule or criticise yourself this is not productive for you in achieving your goals.

Like anything in life the more you practise the skill the more you will master it and reap the benefits from it.

Self esteem is gained by DOING esteem-able acts.

These may include:

• rising above a particular situation against all odds
• changing your job or career
• taking part in a sport
• re-gaining for health, fitness, waistline
• winning a competition

By doing and seeing things through, rather than procrastinating – thinking about doing it you REALISE two things…..

1.       you gain the benefit of the result you set out to achieve

2.       you have the ability the potential to do whatever it is you put your mind to

For example you want to drop 2 dress sizes……you can sit there thinking about it and do nothing or you can CHOOSE to put a plan of action together and act on it to achieve your goal.

Not everyone is willing to pay the price or be consistent and persistent with their actions to achieve their goals. Are you?

Remember you can only build up your self esteem bank account if you take consistent and persistent action and over time you will reach your goals.

Look out for the next instalment where we will be looking at some strategies to improve and or build your self esteem.

Be True to Yourself

Chris Tuck

“Breaking The Cycle” – Bringing Health To Your Mind & Body – Through The Survival School

References:

Seyi Eyitayo Author of “The Power of Self Belief” http://www.januspublishing.co.uk

Chris Tuck – “Through The Eyes Of A Child” available soon. Register your interest for a copy of the book @ http://www.christuckmystory.com

Children who have abusive childhoods invariably take all they have endured experienced and learned into adulthood with them.
Not to abuse others.
That doesn’t really come true that often.
Its called baggage and emotions and feelings are extremely warped and damaged.
Mental health issues
Drug or alcohol abuse are common but most of us are emotionally damaged and believe all we taught to feel about ourselves….stupid dirty scummy etc etc
That becomes your mantra and leaves you wide open…..
You let others use, abuse, disregard, manipulate and deceive you…because you believe this is what you are here for,  that this is your purpose and this is all you deserve.

Is this true though?

No and you know it.

I know it and I’ve always known it.
Its been tucked in my mind for years.
Find it now; it’s not too late, it’s never too late!

Be true to yourself live your life and be happy.

You are not those things, you are an individual who is worthy of  love & nurture!

Be true to yourself,

Chris :O)

“Breaking The Cycle” With The Survival School; Health For Your Mind & Body.

SELF BELIEF –  is having total confidence in one’s self, and the ability to do anything realistic ONCE you are determined and focused. Accomplishment of your goals leads to higher self esteem.

Self Esteem/Self confidence/Self Belief is an acquired skill no-one is born with it.

Let’s look at the analogy of a bank account….

When you open up an account you bank balance is zero; when you are born your self esteem is zero.

BUILDING

To earn money to pay into your bank account you need to undertake some work, you earn some money, you pay it into the bank, your bank balance builds. You are in credit. You are saving for something….security? stability? Getting married? A dream holiday? A mortgage? Your future.

This makes you feel positive, makes you feel good. You want more of this feeling so you continue to do what you have been doing because it is working for you at this moment in time.

Compare this to your self esteem bank account…..YOU NEED TO DO something that makes you feel good, something that is positive, and something that you enjoy.

For example:

• Taking the dog for a walk,
• Helping someone with their shopping,
• Doing something for you…..take up a hobby that you love doing but dropped because of life pressures.

WITHDRAWING

To spend money you take money out of your bank account, your bank balance declines. If you keep withdrawing without paying in, your balance will eventually be zero. If you have an overdraft facility you can spend this but now you OWE money to someone else usually the bank.

If you continue to spend rather than invest you will come to a point where you will not have the means to pay back the interest let alone the original capital you borrowed…..this will start to cause you physical and mental health problems……you will start to worry about the repayments you may suffer from stress, insomnia etc. You may become moody, upset, argumentative with your partner etc.

Compare this to your self esteem bank account…..when your bank account is in credit any negative comments or events will be like water off a duck’s back.

However if you have zero self esteem/self confidence or if it is the red you will find yourself in a vicious circle of negativity and it is hard to get out. How much self-esteem you have dictates how you deal with life’s challenges.

Look out for the next instalment where we will delve deeper and discover what your internal voice is and what it saying to you!

Be True to Yourself

Chris :o)

“Breaking The Cycle” – With The Survival School; Health for Your Mind & Body

References:

Seyi Eyitayo Author of “The Power of Self Belief” http://www.januspublishing.co.uk

Chris Tuck – “Through The Eyes Of A Child” available soon. Register your interest for a copy of the book @ http://www.christuckmystory.com

In my ‘Parental Responsibilities’ article last week I identified 8 keys responsibilities that parents have towards their children. Failure of the parent to meet these specific needs can have wide-ranging and long lasting negative effects.
I promised that I would take each key responsibility and discuss each one in turn expanding on it with my own experiences.
My purpose in doing so is to bring awareness of what is happening behind some ‘closed doors’ and to show the devastating effect of not providing your child with the basics. I will share with you the effect of not doing so decades down the line.

The 1st Key responsibility is to provide the child with safety/security……

Merrian-Webster (2013) defined safety or security as “the condition of being safe from undergoing or causing hurt, injury or loss” Simply put, safety means freedom from both potential and actual threats to one’s health, life, finances, environment, etc. Safety gives an individual the assurance that he/she can live his/her own life without having to experience unnecessary hurt, injury or loss.

Safety can mean:

1. A ‘physical’ safe place e.g. having a roof over your head

As a child from a broken home I moved ‘home’ nine times……..this was very unsettling and caused me a lot of anxiety and stress…..I never knew where I would end up sleeping, I needed roots, I needed a consistent and safe place to live and sleep. When I left home at 16 my goal was to earn enough money to put a roof over my head and keep a roof over my head. I worked 3 jobs to make this happen. I vowed I would not bring a child of my own into this world until I had security. I needed to be married, have my own house and money in the bank. I did not want my children having the worry of being unsettled. Life is hard enough without the basics not being in place. Even to this day at the age of 43 this is one of the overriding beliefs/feelings. I will not jeopardise the security of losing my home ever. Phil and I have lived in the same house since 1996 and I can sleep easy at night. Being successful to me means having a home that no-one can take away from me.

OR

2. A ‘feeling’ of being safe in someone’s company

I met my husband Phil when I was 15 in 1985. As soon as I saw him I knew he was the one for me. I have recently spilt from my first boyfriend who I thought was the love of my life at the time but he cheated on me and I was heart broken. I knew my next boyfriend needed to be of a certain character…..I was looking long term.

Phil was and more recently I have come to realise he is – the love of my life. He was my knight in shining armour. Even though we were young (I felt very mature and wise for my years at 15) I felt very safe in Phil’s company.

A few year’s down the line when my relationship was ‘threatened’ my ‘safety’ was threatened.

We were young in many people’s eyes, far too young for a serious relationship in many people’s eyes.
Phil was very good looking and girls would flirt with him, most of them did not get under my skin I just laughed it off. But two particular incidences were too close for comfort and like a tigress I protected my ‘safety’ by fighting back physically to show that I was worthy of keeping my prize (my boyfriend). I warned one girl off and had a fight with another.

OR

3. Being free from anxiety and/or fear in relation to your own survival mentally and physically

The constant abuse that my siblings and I suffered was physically, mentally & emotionally draining. We all wet the bed, we all were frightened off our own shadows. We lived on our nerves. We woke up at the slightest sound and we were scared. We were cold and hungry and sad.

Parents play a huge role in respect to safety or security for their children. Being the primary caretakers of their children, they are supposed to be the first persons to provide a safe environment for them. A “safe” environment means a living environment where all forms of abuse against children (physical, emotional, psychological, sexual etc) are non-existent.

But this can be breached when the parents themselves are guilty of abusing their own children. When a child experiences any form of abuse from his own parents, the concept of safety becomes alien to him/her. If he/she cannot trust his/her own parent, then who can they trust?

Examples of physical abuse include:

• Hitting with or without instruments
• Punching
• Kicking
• Choking
• Slapping
• Pushing or holding down

Examples of emotional abuse include:

• Calling you names in a hurtful, harmful way
• Yelling in a threatening manner
• Threatening to harm you
• Not letting you call or see friends or family, keeping control of you

My siblings and I were abused as children. My step mum would often line us up, ask us to hold our hands out and hit us with a stick, if we flinched and moved our hands back slightly to decrease the impact of the hit, she would hit us again. The emotional anticipation of being hit was often more traumatic than being hit itself. She would often mock us and say “are you going to be a cry baby now, go on let me see your tears”. Over time she saw no tears because this was a sign of weakness however all that anger and frustration of not being able to hit back was internalised and had consequences as we grew older. We either hit back at people to protect ourselves or we self-harmed or both.

Abused children may grow up thinking that being abused is normal. He/she may therefore spend his /her life getting involved in abusive relationships.

But the good news is that the abused person can actually do something about it. He/she must speak up and ask for help – silence allows the abuse to continue. The abused person can talk to a teacher, a relative, a family friend or any other adult that he can trust. Staying silent will never help.

Back in the eighties and nineties we spoke up many times but the right person(s) was not listening.

Our schools, other adults and social services failed us.

We seemed to be a forgotten generation……a generation where ABUSE was not mentioned, it was brushed under the carpet.
I started to put my story together in Feb 2012 long before the Jimmy Saville case was coming to light. My aim is to speak out and raise awareness of what is going on behind closed doors now and decades ago.

Just because the abuse happened decades ago does not mean that the victims can just move on with their lives straight away. They have suffered a trauma which needs to be recognised by them and the people around them. So that they can get help for themselves and to prevent their abusers carrying on with their grooming and abuse of other innocent children.

This is WHY I am speaking out in my book “Through The Eyes Of A Child” by Chris Tuck

Abuse is always wrong and sometime illegal. You can protect yourself from all types of abuse by contacting a local group that can help you keep SAFE. There are laws to protect you; you have a right to be SAFE.

In 2013 help, advice, guidance and support is readily available. There are lots of groups and charities that you can access on the internet and many of them have a freephone number.

• Call your local domestic violence unit
• Call the police
• Call NSPCC
• Call the Samaritans

They will be able to help you or put you in touch with people who can.

Until the next article,
Be true to yourself :O)

Chris Tuck

“Breaking The Cycle” – With the Survival School; Health For Your Mind & Body
References:
Marrian-Webster, Incorporated. (2013). Safety. Merriam-Webster Online. Retrieved March 29,2013, http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/safety.
Chris Tuck – “Through The Eyes Of A Child” available soon. Register your interest for a copy of the book @ http://www.christuckmystory.com

Did you see the sad case of Georgia Davis age 20 in the Sun Newspaper on April 7^th 2013?

Georgia has battled with her weight all her life; at the age of 15 she weighed 33st. She lost 14st 6lbs in 9 months at a kid’s weight loss camp in the US. Unfortunately she piled it all back on plus some; she went up to 63st. Georgia then dropped to 40st 6lbs but again piled on the lbs. She is now critically ill in hospital with cellulitis (s.hendry@the-sun.co.uk)

B-eat charity says more needs to be done for those who suffer from emotional or compulsive overeating.”People need support to get the root cause of the problem and at the moment there just isn’t enough” says Leanne Thorndyke.

Georgia Davis is an extreme case of overeating/compulsive eating however there are more and more cases like her’s. Lifelong dieters suffer from yo-yo dieting and can relate to the weight loss and weight gain scenario.

Losing weight and keeping it off is not just about calories in v calories out, it is about your mindset, your environment, your support network. It is about understanding who you are, where you are at this moment in your life, knowing where you want to be and having a plan of action to get you there; especially when times are tough.

Let’s have a look at compulsive eating in more detail; does any of the following relate to you?

Compulsive eaters refer to people who consume more food than their bodies can use. Although all individuals have overeaten at some point in their lives, compulsive people are addicted to food (Choong, n.d.). They eat even if they are not hungry and continue eating even if they are already full. Unlike bulimics, though, compulsive eaters do not purge the food they eat. While many of them are overweight, some stay thin by fasting or exercising for unreasonably long periods of time.

Why do compulsive eaters behave the way they do?

Compulsive eating has been attributed to the following causes:

• Biological – Studies show there is a possible link between compulsive eating and biological abnormalities such as hormonal irregularities and genetic mutation (Ekern, 2012).
• Depression – According to the NHS (2013), 50% of compulsive eaters had a prior history of depression.
• Stress – Stressful situations (loss of a job, divorce, death in the family, etc.) can trigger various negative emotions in people (anger, boredom, anxiety, sadness, etc.). These emotions, in turn, drive compulsive eaters to overeat. Compulsive eaters view food as a way of soothing themselves or not having to deal with negative emotions.
• Dieting – In a desperate attempt to lose weight, some people will starve themselves for long periods of time. But they will eventually give in to extreme hunger and overeat as a result.
• Food additives – Corn syrup (a main ingredient in soda) and processed carbohydrates (crackers, chips, etc.) can trigger compulsive eating (Kvist, 2013).
• Nutritional deficiencies – Compulsive eating has also been traced to the lack of certain vitamins and minerals in the body. Such vitamins and minerals include Vitamin A, Vitamin B12, Vitamin C, Vitamin D, calcium, iodine, iron, magnesium, phosphorus and potassium (Something Fishy, 2007).

Many compulsive eaters prefer to hide their condition from their family and friends instead of seeking help.

Below are ways in which compulsive eaters hide their condition:

• Avoiding social interactions that involve food (birthdays, anniversaries, reunions, etc.)
• Insists on eating alone (no matter how inappropriate)
• Insists on personally buying food (no matter how impractical)
• Buys food from different stores or eats at different restaurants (no matter how impractical)

Fortunately, there is help for compulsive eaters. Below are some tips on how to overcome compulsive eating:

•  Manage stress – Find healthier ways of dealing with stress (meditation, hobbies, talking to friends and family, etc.).
• Eat 3 balanced meals a day with healthy snacks in between – Infrequent eating and irregular mealtimes can cause intense hunger, which, in turn, leads to overeating.
• Avoid temptation – Get rid of unhealthy food items in your house. Substitute unhealthy snack foods (chips, crackers, candies, etc.) with healthier ones (fresh fruit, whole-wheat bread, etc.).
• Exercise – Exercise can relieve stress and improve one’s mood without having to resort to compulsive eating.
• Seek professional help – A strong support system can hasten recovery from compulsive eating.

If you need help? Support? Advice you are more than welcome to join our secret facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/BCwithSS/.

If you would like to comment on this article please email me ctsfitness@hotmail.co.uk

References:

Choong, W.C. (n.d.). Compulsive Eating. Aeon Wellness. Retrieved April 8, 2013, from

Click to access Compulsive%20Eating.pdf

Ekern, J. (2012, August 13). Binge Eating Disorder: Causes, Symptoms, Signs & Treatment,

Help. Eating Disorder Hope. Retrieved April 8, 2013, from http://www.eatingdisorderhope.com/information/binge-eating-disorder

Kvist, D. (2013). The Science of Compulsive Eating. Nutritional Weight & Wellness. Retrieved

April 8, 2013, from http://www.weightandwellness.com/resources/articles-and-videos/articles-about-other-health-conditions/the-science-of-compulsive-eating/

National Health Service. (2013, February 17). Binge Eating-Causes. Retrieved April 8, 2013,

from http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Binge-eating/Pages/Causes.aspx

The Something Fishy Website on Eating Disorders. (2007). Vitamins, Minerals and Deficiencies.

Retrieved April 8, 2013, from http://www.something-fishy.org/dangers/vitamins.php

I am worth enough to fight for.
I have the right to smile and laugh.
I am eligible to have a happy life.
I want to make alll my memories the best.
I need love and respect to flourish
I have to be free to find my own path.
I have to stand up and be counted.
I need space and time to grow
I want myself and a life that I deserve.
Is that to much to expect of myself.
For who I hear myself think
In my mind again.
I will tell you who this is for in a moment.
Oh yes I think that I have seen the light
Its for has to be for me myself and i.
Nobody knows me better than my inner self x

I need to make this my mantra I think.

PARENTAL RESPONSIBILITIES

by “Breaking The Cycle” – With The Survival School; Health For Your Mind & Body.

You have met the man or woman of your dreams….

You become a loving couple….

You decide to set up home together….

You get married.

You decide to start a family together….

You fall pregnant….

You give birth.

You now have this 7lb bundle of joy/terror to look after for at least the next 16 years of it’s life.

Oh My…..what are you going to do? How are you going to do it? Is there an instruction manual? Can you send it back if it does not work out?

The answer is NO there are no instructions and NO you cannot send them back!

So what do you do?

According to Chris Theisen the Creator of The Parent Coach Plan there are 8 essential responsibilities that parents must adhere to in order to foster their child’s physical and/or emotional well-being.

1. Provide them with a safe environment:-

Free from unsafe objects and dangers within the home, free from abuse, know their caregivers

2. Provide them with basic needs:-

Water, nutritious food, shelter, warmth, medical care, appropriate clothing for the weather conditions, space for being alon

3. Build up their self esteem:-

Accept, encourage, notice and acknowledge your child’s achievements, set realistic expectations appropriate for your child’s age, use your child’s misbehaviour as a time to teach, not to criticize or ridicule.

4. Teach them morals and values:-

Honesty, respect, responsibility, compassion, patience, forgiveness, generosity

5. Develop mutual respect:-

Respect their feelings, opinions, privacy and individuality

6. Provide discipline:-

That is structured, consistent, predictable and fair

7. Involve yourself in your child’s education:-

Habe regular contact with their teacher’s, make sure they do their homework, help if needed, take an active interest in their school day, recognise any of their achievements.

8. Get to know your child:-

Spend quality time with your child, ask questions and communicate.

Failure of the parent to meet these specific needs can have wide-ranging and long lasting negative effects.

This statement is so true. I will discuss each one in turn in a series of articles that I am putting together. I will be discussing each point in detail and expanding it with my own experiences.

My purpose in doing so is to bring awareness of what is happening behind  some ‘closed doors’ and to show the devastating effect of not providing your child with the basics. I will share with you the effect of not doing so decades down the line.

Be True to Yourself

Chris Tuck

“Breaking The Cycle” – With the Survival School; Health for Your Mind & Body

References:

Chris Theisen the Creator of The Parent Coach Plan@ http://theparentcoachplan.com

Chris Tuck – “Through The Eyes Of A Child” available soon. Register your interest for a copy of the book @ http://www.christuckmystory.com