BACK TO SCHOOL – BULLYING; ITS IMPACT ON LEARNING & MENTAL HEALTH

September 1, 2019

BACK TO SCHOOL – BULLYING; ITS IMPACT ON LEARNING AND MENTAL HEALTH.

Policies and procedures can be reviewed and changed but they are not worth the paper they are written on unless the culture and the behaviour of everyone in the school ‘lives’ and ‘breathes’ the recommendations made.

Bullying is a form of abuse and exists in all institutions; the family home, educational settings, social settings and work settings.

I have heard time and time again schools denying that they have a bullying problem, yet if you speak to some parents of pupils that attend the school in question they will quite willingly tell you that their child has been bullied in some shape or form. I have been told that school’s do this so that they can keep or improve their OFSTED rating. For a school to receive a ‘good’ rating the current draft says inspectors should consider whether “bullying, aggression, discrimination and derogatory language are rare”. If a school doesn’t record bullying then they will pass with flying colours.

Why is it important that schools have a zero-tolerance approach to bullying?

Children spend their formative years at school when their brain is growing and developing; a child’s education delivered in a secure and caring environment is extremely important for optimal growth and development to take place.

3 in 5 young people have been bullied in school and nearly a 1/3 of 1000 surveyed have been bullied online according to research undertaken by the Diana Award. Teachers are overworked with the new curriculum that has been implemented and class sizes in most schools are too large for effective management.

It’s every child’s human right to receive a standard level of education and feel safe whilst doing so.

Bullying, mental health and the long term impacts.

Bullying can and does have a massive impact on an individual’s mental, emotional and physical health. Every day we read articles about a young person who has self-harmed or taken their own life because of bullying and or abuse. Sam Connor aged 14, Jessica Scatterson aged 12, Shukri Yahya Abdi aged 12 are cases in point. Mental health services are underfunded and oversubscribed due to the austerity cuts. Even with the government’s promise of more funding and the plans of installing mental health ambassadors/practitioners in schools we have a long way to go in changing the culture and practise of dealing with bullying and its impact within institutions such as schools.

I personally know a current case of a young person (we will call Meg) that has been bullied for many years at school. Meg comes from a loving and caring home; her parents were constantly in contact with the school to try and solve the issues of bullying. At the time the school refused to acknowledge the bullying, each incident was treated in isolation, the bullies were dealt with but the impact on Meg was never recognised and responded to in the appropriate manner. Over time Meg feared being in school; would often have panic attacks at the school gate and would break down crying in school. This made her vulnerable to being a target for other bullies. Meg was studying for her GCSE’s and having to deal with high levels of anxiety.

The parents asked for Meg to be referred to the school counsellor for help and support which the school did but they never informed the school counsellor why Meg was being referred. Both the counsellor and Meg were working on the presenting symptoms e.g. the anxiety and how to build better friendships but not the causal problem which was the impact of trauma from the bullying Meg had endured over many years. Meg needs were not being met because the school would not acknowledge bullying or its impact.

Anon quote – “Abuse at school and abuse at home. I didn’t know where to turn other than to turn all the negativity on myself and that’s when I made suicide attempts and began self-harming.”

I have spoken to many adults that were bullied as children and here are a few anonymous quotes  from them:

“I was severely bullied both in primary and secondary school, and yes it affected the person I have become. I suffered from anxiety, depression and very low self-esteem. I struggled through my teens and young adulthood, I felt very lonely and isolated, even though I was surrounded by friends and family. I never felt good enough, never felt pretty enough, never felt fit enough, I never fitted in.”

How you perceive yourself to be & how you feel about yourself impacts your relationships with people and your potential in life.

“As an adult now I still have flashbacks of the bullying I endured and anger wanting to know why me why did you do this to me? I also overly worry about my children being bullied at school due to the experiences I have had. And even though I got through those years the feelings it made me have and the cruel words that were said or typed to or about me still go through my head and cause me to feel low and I even sometimes think they were right.”

“I was bullied at school and felt like I deserved it. My home life was shocking too. Feeling unloved and unwanted and being told the same at school made me so angry. I started to hit out at other people and became a bully. It was hurt them before they hurt me. I am not proud of my actions but I just wanted someone to care, to see that I was hurting and ask me why I was doing what I was doing! To this day I have problems with my relationships and especially with people in authority.”

What is bullying?

There is no single definition of bullying however there are 3 points that most definitions share and the Dept for Education highlights:

  1. The behaviour is intended to cause distress
  2. The behaviour is repeated
  3. There is an imbalance of power between the perpetrator/s and the victim.

Children and young people do fall out with each other and do say things when they are upset; this is not bullying. Being able to deal with friendship breakdowns and repair relationships is all part of a child’s development and growing up.

Bullying can be:

  • Emotional – being unfriendly, excluding, isolating, tormenting (hiding belongings, threatening gestures)
  • Physical – pushing, kicking, hitting, punching or any other use of violence
  • Sexual – unwanted physical contact or sexually abusive comments
  • Verbal – name-calling, sarcasm, spreading rumours, teasing
  • Cyber – misuse of the internet to intimidate (email, social media sites), threats via mobile phone, sexting.
  • Homophobic, biphobic and transphobic (HBT) – based on an individual’s sexual orientation.

 

Who gets bullied? Anyone can be a victim of bullying however it is often motivated by prejudice against a particular group on grounds of race, religion, gender, sexual orientation, special needs or disabilities, being a carer or being in care, being of a certain class or financial means or just being different can make an individual vulnerable to bullying.

Breaking the silence, finding your voice, using your lived experiences to make a change.

I was mentally, physically and neglected within the family home. I was sexually abused by someone outside the family home at the age of 9 and by a family member at the age of 15. I grew up in 3 domestic violent households.

My school was a safe space for me until the bullying started. I was bullied because I was a vulnerable child / young person.

In primary school I wore old, holey smelly clothes, I was often ravenously hungry and fearful of my own shadow. I would often wet myself and was extremely introverted because I was so nervous.

In secondary school even though I was still ‘scared’ I was more outspoken. I asked for help on many occasions and was told to ignore it; it would just go away. It didn’t it became so bad I was being bullied inside and outside of school and abused at home. One day I got into a violent fight after the bullying escalated to a point where I could not put up with it any further.

When your brain is continuously in a heightened state of alert you cannot learn. You are literally in survival mode. I remember disassociating in class and wondering how I could make people stop being horrible to me and where I was going to get my next lot of food from. I was constantly worried about my safety and my rumbling belly.

When I was shouted at by a teacher for not concentrating this triggered me and contributed to my low self-esteem and not wanting to draw attention to myself. It exacerbated the bullying and how I generally felt about myself. I can completely understand why children and young people feel that they have no place or no-one to go to and why they self harm or take their own life.

As a victim of bullying and abuse, I now speak and consult on the subject within a wide range of institutions. I have recently helped and advised a local school about their anti-bullying policy and the culture the school needs to adopt going forward. All schools have a challenging time with bullying and addressing it. Some schools are more proactive than others but no school to my knowledge likes to speak about it, acknowledge it and respond to it in the right way until now.

In my opinion, a school who is proactive in dealing with bullying i.e. they acknowledge that bullying does happen and they clearly state how they deal with it and this is all embedded in their culture and code of practice – they have the blueprint to show all schools how to lead the way.

Amongst many things the school I have been working with have agreed to review and implement:

  1. An improved framework and guidance for staff in managing reported bullying with a clear understanding by all parties. It is not only the responsibility of pastoral care staff to deal with bullying and to have training appropriate to bullying but for all staff including kitchen staff caretaking staff and of course teachers.
  2. Improved systems for a referral to counselling making sure the reason for the referral is clear so that the student can be given the appropriate help and support.
  3. Ensure that all necessary staff are aware of what is happening for a student so that the student’s needs can be met discretely.
  4. Having a single point of contact for parents/carers in dealing with the school about the bullying and impact.
  5. Joined up thinking and communications so that further stress to the parents and the child are kept to a minimum. E.g. When you are trying to get your child to attend school but they are so emotionally broken they cannot attend; you have informed the school of this but you receive warnings about their attendance and the student receives detentions for not completing homework – this clearly shows a lack of understanding of the trauma impact of bullying and further adds to the stress and anger of the parents towards the school.

Having a clear concise policy that sets out the ethos and culture of the school is a must. The school policy should clearly communicate that bullying is unacceptable, the policy should set out how bullying is defined, actions to prevent bullying and the framework for all in reporting and responding to bullying.

The Anti-bullying policy is only a small part to establish and sustain a culture in schools in which all students feel welcome, safe and happy.

Students and parents should feel confident in reporting bullying and expect it to be dealt with quickly and efficiently.

The right response at the right time is crucial for the student’s mental health and wellbeing and can reduce the long term impact of trauma caused by bullying.

My advice to parents: Check out the school’s anti-bullying policy and ask them what their approach is to bullying. If a school tells you it doesn’t have a bullying problem please reconsider sending your child there.  If an institution is in denial about the existence of bullying; the way they respond to it will not be appropriate for any child.

Written by Chris Tuck Sept 2019

Founder and Director of SOB www.survivorsofabuse.org.uk. Consultant to the Independent Inquiry into Child Sexual Abuse – a member of the Victims and Survivors Consultative Panel.


Stolen Innocence #SOB #BreakingTheCycle

January 6, 2016
SOB_header_tagline (2)
Over the last 3 days I have been engrossed in a book called Stolen Innocence by John Batt
This is the true story of Sally Clark wrongly convicted of killing her two baby son’s.
Why was I reading it?
I am doing alot of my own ‘research’ into the impacts of child abuse
Over the last 2 years I have spoken to and heard from many survivors of child abuse who have told me that they have had their children taken away from them unjustly.
I don’t know anything about the court system and I’m not an expert on any of these survivors stories
But what they have told me bothers me
It seems ruddy unfair that a survivor suffers child abuse, tries to deal with the impact through medication (alcohol) etc and then gets their kids taken away as a a result.
Now I know the child’s welfare has to come 1st always
But what help is there for the survivor to deal with their issues as a result of child abuse? And become a better parent?
I asked the survivors who have spoken to me why haven’t I read about cases like this in main stream media?
They tell me that their cases are heard in the ‘Family Court’ system and that this system is a closed system
I.e. anything that happens in the ‘Family Court’ system cannot be talked about publicly – it is not allowed.
I spoke to my friend about this whole situation and she told me to read the book about Sally Clark as a point in case….how the whole judicial system is set up, is unfair, & very costly.
This book is not about the ‘Family Court’ system but it gave me an insight into the workings of the court….solicitors, barristers, judges, experts, jury’s etc.
Anyway I was staggered at the great miscarriage of justice in Sally Clark’ s case and it got me thinking about the secrecy of the ‘Family Court’ system.
Isn’t it about time we had transparency?
Isn’t it about time survivors of abuse were given the proper help that they need to be happy and healthy individuals? And to be the best parents they can be?
Now I know some parents were never meant to have children and their abuse of those children is never to be understated and their punishment in my eyes should be maximised.
But there are many parents out there who are survivors of abuse and the impact of that abuse impacts their ability to be the best parents they can be.
They need a helping hand….what does this look like I don’t know at the moment.
Often they have children to fill a void…if they think if ‘I just have my own child I will have someone to love and someone to love me back’.
But as we all know being a parent is bloody hard work at the best of times and if you are a survivor it can be hard or even impossible.
I have just finished reading Sally Clark’ s book at 9.20am today and I Google her hoping to find out that she was able to lead a happy life after being wrongly imprisoned for 3 and half years…..
Sadly Sally was found dead in 2007
This is why I have written this post to say how sorry I am and to say thank you to her for sharing her story.
The impact of what happened to her was just too much.
Another thought I have had is why didn’t I know about this case whilst it was happening? In was all over main stream media…documentaries were made about it
I was too busy…..
Busy…running away from my own past…my own trauma.
I was trying to build a life for me….the perfect life….or so I thought.
I wanted everything in place before I brought children into the world…..
….the thing is I hadn’t worked on me….I didn’t know I needed help…I didn’t know that what followed the birth of my son in 1998 would lead onto a breakdown in 2000 and 15 more years of understanding the impact of the child abuse I suffered as a child.
The impact on my…
  • Mental & emotional health
  • Physical health
  • My relationships with my ‘parents’ my in laws, my husband, my siblings, my kids
  • ME…
  • As a professional As a member of society As a business owner
To help untangle my mind and look for me amongst all the internal anguish
  • 2012 I started to write my book with Karen Lisa Laing….
  • 2012 I started my blog http://www.christuckmystory.com
  • 2013 I launched my book Through The Eyes of A Child to help riase awareness of the umpact of child abuse and to help fellow survivors understand what was happening to them by breaking the silence.
  • 2014 – 2015 I started campaigning and public speaking in earnest to raise awareness of the impact of childhood abuse on the Individual as an adult appearing on TV, Radio and in print
  • 2015 I became an member of the VSCP on the Goddard Inquiry
  • 2016 I have founded S.O.B http://www.survivorsofabuse.org.uk
To empower survivors to change their life in a healthy and positive way through the ‘Breaking The Cycle’ Health & Wellness Programme.
I am using all my energies to make myself happier and healthier, improve my relationships, support survivors through S.O.B. we will be fundraising in earnest in 2016.
Health & Happiness,
Chris x

“Breaking the Cycle” of Negativity – Self Esteem-Self confidence-Self Belief Part 2 of 3

April 27, 2013

 

by “Breaking The Cycle” – With The Survival School; Health for Your Mind & Body

Have you ever REALLY listened to your ‘internal’ voice? What does it say to you? Does your internal voice say positive things to you?

Like….

  • I love you
  • I thing you are great
  • You can do this
  • I am behind you 100%
  • You are beautiful
  • You are a work in progress and you will achieve what you set out to achieve

Or does it say negative things to you?

Like….

  • I hate you
  • I don’t like you
  • You are fat
  • You are useless
  • There must be something wrong with you
  • You are not ugly
  • You have nothing to offer anyone
  • You are stupid
  • You are a waste of space

When you are bought up in a loving environment your parent’s role is to teach you, encourage you, praise you and guide you. This helps build up your self esteem bank account, makes you feel good about yourself. If you have had a happy and fulfilling upbringing you would have heard the phrases listed out in the positive list above. This is how it should be.

When you are bought up in a loveless critical environment you would have heard many of the phrases in the negative list.

Whichever phrases you hear on a daily basis you will grow up believing that you are this person because you know no better.

I myself had a bit of both…I share all my experiences with you in my book “Through The eyes Of A Child”.

Up till the age of 7 I believed I was treated with love and respect…enough for me to see me through the years of abuse from the ages of 7-15. I believe it gave me enough self esteem to bounce back each time because I knew that there was another way, life, was not meant to be like this. However my younger sister and brother can only remember the years of negativity and do not seem to be able to get themselves out of the negative cycle very easily.

 

To build your self esteem:

  • you need to notice and acknowledge your achievements (any)
  • you need to set realistic expectations for yourself
  • you need to monitor and evaluate your progress
  • you need to be prepared to change course if needed

At no stage should you ridicule or criticise yourself this is not productive for you in achieving your goals.

Like anything in life the more you practise the skill the more you will master it and reap the benefits from it.

Self esteem is gained by DOING esteem-able acts.

These may include:

  • rising above a particular situation against all odds
  • changing your job or career
  • taking part in a sport
  • re-gaining for health, fitness, waistline
  • winning a competition

By doing and seeing things through, rather than procrastinating – thinking about doing it you REALISE two things…..

1.       you gain the benefit of the result you set out to achieve

2.       you have the ability the potential to do whatever it is you put your mind to

For example you want to drop 2 dress sizes……you can sit there thinking about it and do nothing or you can CHOOSE to put a plan of action together and act on it to achieve your goal.

Not everyone is willing to pay the price or be consistent and persistent with their actions to achieve their goals. Are you?

Remember you can only build up your self esteem bank account if you take consistent and persistent action and over time you will reach your goals.

Look out for the next instalment where we will be looking at some strategies to improve and or build your self esteem.

Be True to Yourself

Chris Tuck

“Breaking The Cycle” – Bringing Health To Your Mind & Body – Through The Survival School

 

References:

Seyi Eyitayo Author of “The Power of Self Belief” http://www.januspublishing.co.uk

Chris Tuck – “Through The Eyes Of A Child” available soon. Register your interest for a copy of the book @ http://www.christuckmystory.com


On Behalf of “Breaking The Cycle” – With The Survival School; Health For Your Mind & Body by Diane Ginn

April 19, 2013

Children who have abusive childhoods invariably take all they have endured experienced and learned into adulthood with them.
Not to abuse others.
That doesn’t really come true that often.
Its called baggage and emotions and feelings are extremely warped and damaged.
Mental health issues
Drug or alcohol abuse are common but most of us are emotionally damaged and believe all we taught to feel about ourselves….stupid dirty scummy etc etc
That becomes your mantra and leaves you wide open…..
You let others use, abuse, disregard, manipulate and deceive you…because you believe this is what you are here for,  that this is your purpose and this is all you deserve.

Is this true though?

No and you know it.

I know it and I’ve always known it.
Its been tucked in my mind for years.
Find it now; it’s not too late, it’s never too late!

Be true to yourself live your life and be happy.

You are not those things, you are an individual who is worthy of  love & nurture!

Be true to yourself,

Chris :O)

“Breaking The Cycle” With The Survival School; Health For Your Mind & Body.

 


Self Esteem – Self confidence – Self Belief Part 1 of 3 by “Breaking The Cycle” – With The Survival School; Health for Your Mind & Body

April 19, 2013

SELF BELIEF –  is having total confidence in one’s self, and the ability to do anything realistic ONCE you are determined and focused. Accomplishment of your goals leads to higher self esteem.

Self Esteem/Self confidence/Self Belief is an acquired skill no-one is born with it.

Let’s look at the analogy of a bank account….

When you open up an account you bank balance is zero; when you are born your self esteem is zero.

BUILDING

To earn money to pay into your bank account you need to undertake some work, you earn some money, you pay it into the bank, your bank balance builds. You are in credit. You are saving for something….security? stability? Getting married? A dream holiday? A mortgage? Your future.

This makes you feel positive, makes you feel good. You want more of this feeling so you continue to do what you have been doing because it is working for you at this moment in time.

Compare this to your self esteem bank account…..YOU NEED TO DO something that makes you feel good, something that is positive, and something that you enjoy.

For example:

  • Taking the dog for a walk,
  • Helping someone with their shopping,
  • Doing something for you…..take up a hobby that you love doing but dropped because of life pressures.

WITHDRAWING

To spend money you take money out of your bank account, your bank balance declines. If you keep withdrawing without paying in, your balance will eventually be zero. If you have an overdraft facility you can spend this but now you OWE money to someone else usually the bank.

If you continue to spend rather than invest you will come to a point where you will not have the means to pay back the interest let alone the original capital you borrowed…..this will start to cause you physical and mental health problems……you will start to worry about the repayments you may suffer from stress, insomnia etc. You may become moody, upset, argumentative with your partner etc.

Compare this to your self esteem bank account…..when your bank account is in credit any negative comments or events will be like water off a duck’s back.

However if you have zero self esteem/self confidence or if it is the red you will find yourself in a vicious circle of negativity and it is hard to get out. How much self-esteem you have dictates how you deal with life’s challenges.

Look out for the next instalment where we will delve deeper and discover what your internal voice is and what it saying to you!

Be True to Yourself

Chris :o)

“Breaking The Cycle” – With The Survival School; Health for Your Mind & Body

 

References:

Seyi Eyitayo Author of “The Power of Self Belief” http://www.januspublishing.co.uk

Chris Tuck – “Through The Eyes Of A Child” available soon. Register your interest for a copy of the book @ http://www.christuckmystory.com


ARTICLE 2 SAFETY/SECURITY by “Breaking The Cycle” – With the Survival School; Health For Your Mind & Body

April 14, 2013

In my ‘Parental Responsibilities’ article last week I identified 8 keys responsibilities that parents have towards their children. Failure of the parent to meet these specific needs can have wide-ranging and long lasting negative effects.
I promised that I would take each key responsibility and discuss each one in turn expanding on it with my own experiences.
My purpose in doing so is to bring awareness of what is happening behind some ‘closed doors’ and to show the devastating effect of not providing your child with the basics. I will share with you the effect of not doing so decades down the line.

The 1st Key responsibility is to provide the child with safety/security……

Merrian-Webster (2013) defined safety or security as “the condition of being safe from undergoing or causing hurt, injury or loss” Simply put, safety means freedom from both potential and actual threats to one’s health, life, finances, environment, etc. Safety gives an individual the assurance that he/she can live his/her own life without having to experience unnecessary hurt, injury or loss.

Safety can mean:

1. A ‘physical’ safe place e.g. having a roof over your head

As a child from a broken home I moved ‘home’ nine times……..this was very unsettling and caused me a lot of anxiety and stress…..I never knew where I would end up sleeping, I needed roots, I needed a consistent and safe place to live and sleep. When I left home at 16 my goal was to earn enough money to put a roof over my head and keep a roof over my head. I worked 3 jobs to make this happen. I vowed I would not bring a child of my own into this world until I had security. I needed to be married, have my own house and money in the bank. I did not want my children having the worry of being unsettled. Life is hard enough without the basics not being in place. Even to this day at the age of 43 this is one of the overriding beliefs/feelings. I will not jeopardise the security of losing my home ever. Phil and I have lived in the same house since 1996 and I can sleep easy at night. Being successful to me means having a home that no-one can take away from me.

OR

2. A ‘feeling’ of being safe in someone’s company

I met my husband Phil when I was 15 in 1985. As soon as I saw him I knew he was the one for me. I have recently spilt from my first boyfriend who I thought was the love of my life at the time but he cheated on me and I was heart broken. I knew my next boyfriend needed to be of a certain character…..I was looking long term.

Phil was and more recently I have come to realise he is – the love of my life. He was my knight in shining armour. Even though we were young (I felt very mature and wise for my years at 15) I felt very safe in Phil’s company.

A few year’s down the line when my relationship was ‘threatened’ my ‘safety’ was threatened.

We were young in many people’s eyes, far too young for a serious relationship in many people’s eyes.
Phil was very good looking and girls would flirt with him, most of them did not get under my skin I just laughed it off. But two particular incidences were too close for comfort and like a tigress I protected my ‘safety’ by fighting back physically to show that I was worthy of keeping my prize (my boyfriend). I warned one girl off and had a fight with another.

OR

3. Being free from anxiety and/or fear in relation to your own survival mentally and physically

The constant abuse that my siblings and I suffered was physically, mentally & emotionally draining. We all wet the bed, we all were frightened off our own shadows. We lived on our nerves. We woke up at the slightest sound and we were scared. We were cold and hungry and sad.

Parents play a huge role in respect to safety or security for their children. Being the primary caretakers of their children, they are supposed to be the first persons to provide a safe environment for them. A “safe” environment means a living environment where all forms of abuse against children (physical, emotional, psychological, sexual etc) are non-existent.

But this can be breached when the parents themselves are guilty of abusing their own children. When a child experiences any form of abuse from his own parents, the concept of safety becomes alien to him/her. If he/she cannot trust his/her own parent, then who can they trust?

Examples of physical abuse include:

• Hitting with or without instruments
• Punching
• Kicking
• Choking
• Slapping
• Pushing or holding down

Examples of emotional abuse include:

• Calling you names in a hurtful, harmful way
• Yelling in a threatening manner
• Threatening to harm you
• Not letting you call or see friends or family, keeping control of you

My siblings and I were abused as children. My step mum would often line us up, ask us to hold our hands out and hit us with a stick, if we flinched and moved our hands back slightly to decrease the impact of the hit, she would hit us again. The emotional anticipation of being hit was often more traumatic than being hit itself. She would often mock us and say “are you going to be a cry baby now, go on let me see your tears”. Over time she saw no tears because this was a sign of weakness however all that anger and frustration of not being able to hit back was internalised and had consequences as we grew older. We either hit back at people to protect ourselves or we self-harmed or both.

Abused children may grow up thinking that being abused is normal. He/she may therefore spend his /her life getting involved in abusive relationships.

But the good news is that the abused person can actually do something about it. He/she must speak up and ask for help – silence allows the abuse to continue. The abused person can talk to a teacher, a relative, a family friend or any other adult that he can trust. Staying silent will never help.

Back in the eighties and nineties we spoke up many times but the right person(s) was not listening.

Our schools, other adults and social services failed us.

We seemed to be a forgotten generation……a generation where ABUSE was not mentioned, it was brushed under the carpet.
I started to put my story together in Feb 2012 long before the Jimmy Saville case was coming to light. My aim is to speak out and raise awareness of what is going on behind closed doors now and decades ago.

Just because the abuse happened decades ago does not mean that the victims can just move on with their lives straight away. They have suffered a trauma which needs to be recognised by them and the people around them. So that they can get help for themselves and to prevent their abusers carrying on with their grooming and abuse of other innocent children.

This is WHY I am speaking out in my book “Through The Eyes Of A Child” by Chris Tuck

Abuse is always wrong and sometime illegal. You can protect yourself from all types of abuse by contacting a local group that can help you keep SAFE. There are laws to protect you; you have a right to be SAFE.

In 2013 help, advice, guidance and support is readily available. There are lots of groups and charities that you can access on the internet and many of them have a freephone number.

• Call your local domestic violence unit
• Call the police
• Call NSPCC
• Call the Samaritans

They will be able to help you or put you in touch with people who can.

Until the next article,
Be true to yourself :O)

Chris Tuck

“Breaking The Cycle” – With the Survival School; Health For Your Mind & Body
References:
Marrian-Webster, Incorporated. (2013). Safety. Merriam-Webster Online. Retrieved March 29,2013, http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/safety.
Chris Tuck – “Through The Eyes Of A Child” available soon. Register your interest for a copy of the book @ http://www.christuckmystory.com


COMPULSIVE EATERS by “Breaking The Cycle” With The Survival School; Health For Your Mind & Body.

April 10, 2013

Did you see the sad case of Georgia Davis age 20 in the Sun Newspaper on April 7th 2013?

Georgia has battled with her weight all her life; at the age of 15 she weighed 33st. She lost 14st 6lbs in 9 months at a kid’s weight loss camp in the US. Unfortunately she piled it all back on plus some; she went up to 63st. Georgia then dropped to 40st 6lbs but again piled on the lbs. She is now critically ill in hospital with cellulitis (s.hendry@the-sun.co.uk)

B-eat charity says more needs to be done for those who suffer from emotional or compulsive overeating.”People need support to get the root cause of the problem and at the moment there just isn’t enough” says Leanne Thorndyke.

Georgia Davis is an extreme case of overeating/compulsive eating however there are more and more cases like her’s. Lifelong dieters suffer from yo-yo dieting and can relate to the weight loss and weight gain scenario.

Losing weight and keeping it off is not just about calories in v calories out, it is about your mindset, your environment, your support network. It is about understanding who you are, where you are at this moment in your life, knowing where you want to be and having a plan of action to get you there; especially when times are tough.

Let’s have a look at compulsive eating in more detail; does any of the following relate to you?

Compulsive eaters refer to people who consume more food than their bodies can use. Although all individuals have overeaten at some point in their lives, compulsive people are addicted to food (Choong, n.d.). They eat even if they are not hungry and continue eating even if they are already full. Unlike bulimics, though, compulsive eaters do not purge the food they eat. While many of them are overweight, some stay thin by fasting or exercising for unreasonably long periods of time.

Why do compulsive eaters behave the way they do?

Compulsive eating has been attributed to the following causes:

  • Biological – Studies show there is a possible link between compulsive eating and biological abnormalities such as hormonal irregularities and genetic mutation (Ekern, 2012).
  • Depression – According to the NHS (2013), 50% of compulsive eaters had a prior history of depression.
  • Stress – Stressful situations (loss of a job, divorce, death in the family, etc.) can trigger various negative emotions in people (anger, boredom, anxiety, sadness, etc.). These emotions, in turn, drive compulsive eaters to overeat. Compulsive eaters view food as a way of soothing themselves or not having to deal with negative emotions.
  • Dieting – In a desperate attempt to lose weight, some people will starve themselves for long periods of time. But they will eventually give in to extreme hunger and overeat as a result.
  • Food additives – Corn syrup (a main ingredient in soda) and processed carbohydrates (crackers, chips, etc.) can trigger compulsive eating (Kvist, 2013).
  • Nutritional deficiencies – Compulsive eating has also been traced to the lack of certain vitamins and minerals in the body. Such vitamins and minerals include Vitamin A, Vitamin B12, Vitamin C, Vitamin D, calcium, iodine, iron, magnesium, phosphorus and potassium (Something Fishy, 2007).

Many compulsive eaters prefer to hide their condition from their family and friends instead of seeking help.

Below are ways in which compulsive eaters hide their condition:

  • Avoiding social interactions that involve food (birthdays, anniversaries, reunions, etc.)
  • Insists on eating alone (no matter how inappropriate)
  • Insists on personally buying food (no matter how impractical)
  • Buys food from different stores or eats at different restaurants (no matter how impractical)

Fortunately, there is help for compulsive eaters. Below are some tips on how to overcome compulsive eating:

 

 

 

 

 

 

  •  Manage stress – Find healthier ways of dealing with stress (meditation, hobbies, talking to friends and family, etc.).
  • Eat 3 balanced meals a day with healthy snacks in between – Infrequent eating and irregular mealtimes can cause intense hunger, which, in turn, leads to overeating.
  • Avoid temptation – Get rid of unhealthy food items in your house. Substitute unhealthy snack foods (chips, crackers, candies, etc.) with healthier ones (fresh fruit, whole-wheat bread, etc.).
  • Exercise – Exercise can relieve stress and improve one’s mood without having to resort to compulsive eating.
  • Seek professional help – A strong support system can hasten recovery from compulsive eating.

 

If you need help? Support? Advice you are more than welcome to join our secret facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/BCwithSS/.

 

If you would like to comment on this article please email me ctsfitness@hotmail.co.uk

 

References:

Choong, W.C. (n.d.). Compulsive Eating. Aeon Wellness. Retrieved April 8, 2013, from

http://aeonretail.com.my/wellness/pdf/Compulsive%20Eating.pdf

Ekern, J. (2012, August 13). Binge Eating Disorder: Causes, Symptoms, Signs & Treatment,

Help. Eating Disorder Hope. Retrieved April 8, 2013, from http://www.eatingdisorderhope.com/information/binge-eating-disorder

Kvist, D. (2013). The Science of Compulsive Eating. Nutritional Weight & Wellness. Retrieved

April 8, 2013, from http://www.weightandwellness.com/resources/articles-and-videos/articles-about-other-health-conditions/the-science-of-compulsive-eating/

National Health Service. (2013, February 17). Binge Eating-Causes. Retrieved April 8, 2013,

from http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Binge-eating/Pages/Causes.aspx

The Something Fishy Website on Eating Disorders. (2007). Vitamins, Minerals and Deficiencies.

Retrieved April 8, 2013, from http://www.something-fishy.org/dangers/vitamins.php


On Behalf of “Breaking The Cycle” – With The Survival School; Health For Your Mind & Body by Diane Ginn

April 8, 2013

If you are child and your abused and controlled.
Its more often the parents or care givers that are the culprits.
You live in fear and shame.
You learn to keep quiet and keep secrets.
You learn pain hunger fear rejection and that you are alone.
Well no that is what the abuser has given you.
Thats how they get you where they want you.
You are taught to be quiet not to complain be insignificant, an idiot,
A nobody, a doormat, a weak willed, stupid, an imbecile.

Are you?

Don’t you know what they say and do is wrong..?

Yes u do and they know it too otherwise they wouldn’t constantly tell you that you are this and that.
Constantly reminding you because they know you are not these things.
If that were the case there would be no need.
Abusers know one day you will figure it out and they lose control.
Abusers know what they do is wrong that’s why it has to be a secret kept quiet.
Abusers know that you are more intelligent thats why they say you are stupid stop you thinking and questioning
Abusers know that their souls are tarnished and their minds twisted and evil.

You are beautiful warm and caring and if that was allowed to be nurtured and helped along as a child

It would threaten their hold and right to hurt you.
But most of all, it would show the world and society what they really are.
Then the abuser can no longer carry on or get other victims.
Their life ends as an abuser and they become the target of pain and hate.

So please remember that you are not any of these.
An abuser does these things in order so they can abuse and get away with it.
Keeping quiet facilitates and makes what they do ok.

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO……………ITS NOT OK.
If you know its happening report it
If you think its happening report it.
If its happening to you be you man woman or child.
Please. Find courage to ask for help.
Now, more than ever society, has to change.
We understand and there is help for the abused.
They deserve better.
I deserve better.
Society deserves better.

YOU deserve better.


On Behalf of “Breaking The Cycle” – With The Survival School; Health For Your Mind & Body by Diane Ginn

April 6, 2013

I am worth enough to fight for.
I have the right to smile and laugh.
I am eligible to have a happy life.
I want to make alll my memories the best.
I need love and respect to flourish
I have to be free to find my own path.
I have to stand up and be counted.
I need space and time to grow
I want myself and a life that I deserve.
Is that to much to expect of myself.
For who I hear myself think
In my mind again.
I will tell you who this is for in a moment.
Oh yes I think that I have seen the light
Its for has to be for me myself and i.
Nobody knows me better than my inner self x

I need to make this my mantra I think.


Article 1 – Parental Responsibilities – by Chris Tuck from “Breaking the Cycle” With The Survival School; Health For Your Mind & Body

April 6, 2013

PARENTAL RESPONSIBILITIES

by “Breaking The Cycle” – With The Survival School; Health For Your Mind & Body.

You have met the man or woman of your dreams….

You become a loving couple….

You decide to set up home together….

You get married.

You decide to start a family together….

You fall pregnant….

You give birth.

You now have this 7lb bundle of joy/terror to look after for at least the next 16 years of it’s life.

Oh My…..what are you going to do? How are you going to do it? Is there an instruction manual? Can you send it back if it does not work out?

The answer is NO there are no instructions and NO you cannot send them back!

So what do you do?

According to Chris Theisen the Creator of The Parent Coach Plan there are 8 essential responsibilities that parents must adhere to in order to foster their child’s physical and/or emotional well-being.

1. Provide them with a safe environment:-

Free from unsafe objects and dangers within the home, free from abuse, know their caregivers

2. Provide them with basic needs:-

Water, nutritious food, shelter, warmth, medical care, appropriate clothing for the weather conditions, space for being alon

3. Build up their self esteem:-

Accept, encourage, notice and acknowledge your child’s achievements, set realistic expectations appropriate for your child’s age, use your child’s misbehaviour as a time to teach, not to criticize or ridicule.

4. Teach them morals and values:-

Honesty, respect, responsibility, compassion, patience, forgiveness, generosity

5. Develop mutual respect:-

Respect their feelings, opinions, privacy and individuality

6. Provide discipline:-

That is structured, consistent, predictable and fair

7. Involve yourself in your child’s education:-

Habe regular contact with their teacher’s, make sure they do their homework, help if needed, take an active interest in their school day, recognise any of their achievements.

8. Get to know your child:-

Spend quality time with your child, ask questions and communicate.

Failure of the parent to meet these specific needs can have wide-ranging and long lasting negative effects.

This statement is so true. I will discuss each one in turn in a series of articles that I am putting together. I will be discussing each point in detail and expanding it with my own experiences.

My purpose in doing so is to bring awareness of what is happening behind  some ‘closed doors’ and to show the devastating effect of not providing your child with the basics. I will share with you the effect of not doing so decades down the line.

Be True to Yourself

Chris Tuck

“Breaking The Cycle” – With the Survival School; Health for Your Mind & Body

References:

Chris Theisen the Creator of The Parent Coach Plan@ http://theparentcoachplan.com

Chris Tuck – “Through The Eyes Of A Child” available soon. Register your interest for a copy of the book @ http://www.christuckmystory.com