Today I am visiting Dax Moy to start working with him over the next few months for rehab my hip and sort my posture, mobility and movement out for good.
Dax asked me why I was stressed. I told him that writing my story has been hard and emotional for me.
I am using the opportunity of travelling up to London and back to write about some missing chapter of my book.
- Today I am writing about my dad blanking me and then coming to actively search me out.
- Today I am writing about my dad’s day release from prison.
- Today I am writing about my sexual behaviour patterns runny through families.
I have penned 6 A4 pages in 2 ½ hours, I was so engrossed in what I was doing that I missed my train back to Hayes! On the way back I was writing about Teresa’s sexual control using chocolate.
When I got back to Hayes I was going to go home but at home there are chores awaiting me. 101 things to do. I looked across the road and entered; I thought I will order my peppermint tea but out of my mouth came hot chocolate with cream and marshmallows please. I told the guy it would make me ill but I will have it any way.
So here I am writing this blog post and thinking why am I punishing myself? A question for my hypnotherapist next week me thinks. I need to get to the bottom of this. I don’t need this shit all it is is sugar and it make me feel ill. I know that this is a coping mechanism of mine. I am already burping, have a dry mouth feel thirsty!
He gave me some constructive help with the book which I have taken on board and will incorporate.
But it was also cathartic. It is making me feel free and at peace on one hard but working through the emotions is hard work and unsettling. Part of me thinks who will want to read my story but I know deep down that it will help many people and the 1st person is ME!
I now feel that I am at a turning point with the book it will be finished in 6 weeks end of Nov 2012 and then I am self publishing.
I know that there is an end to my emotional turmoil. At the moment I am stressed and tired but I am in control and I will get through this period in my life.
Part of my anxiety is that Phil my hubby still does not know I am writing this, but I feel so strongly that my story needs to be told, as strongly as I need to breathe to stay alive!
I am sitting here feeling really empowered, surrounded by people chatting and laughing. I feel like I am sitting on something huge.
I feel really upset that so many lives have been ruined.
Am now crying……..
Sorry I need to stop, pick up my daughter from school and give her a hug.
With Jimmy Saville being in the news for the last 2 weeks I feel even more strongly that people need to find a voice and speak out.
Responsible adults need to listen to young vulnerable kids and protect them.
Adults need to speak out about their childhood stuff and get the help they need and deserve!