I have just had my first hypnotherapy session. It was emotional and liberating…..even though I am tired from it it has freed up my mind enough for me to write a few blogs :O)
Whilst on my holiday I tried not to think about or dwell on anything that would make me think about the past or niggles in my current relationship. I just tried to concentrate on the now and enjoy whatever I was doing. Sometimes this was extremely hard for me to do.
- I laid on a sun bed reading fiction, not one study back in sight!!
- I slept when I wanted to
- I ate some treats
- I played with my children in the pool, went down the water slide, I played cards, I played pool.
- I spoke to my husband in a non judgemental way and let him do what he wanted to do
- I left my phone at home
- I stayed away from the computer and face book
- I had 2 fabulous massages
I just wanted to relax! The was my main aim and priority.
You see all my other holidays have been spent reading and researching or studying for work, for the career that I now have and love. whilst I was doing this I was not spending quality time with my kids and I expected my husband to do his fair share. I expected to him to step up to the plate and entertain the children for awhile.
One of the main things that I have come to grips with over the last few months is trying to re-balance the amount of time I spend on work and to spend more time with my family. Even though I want to invest in my career as a Health Coach and spend more time doing courses and researching I have been doing this at the expense of my family and this is not fair on them.
On this holiday I had no expectations I just wanted to go with the flow and see what happened.
We went away with another family from West Wickham and this was a real eye opener for me. The way my friend handled situations and communicated with her husband and son taught me a few lessons which I am now going to try and implement.
My friend asked us all in turn what we would like to do next, we all had our say. There was often agreement on some things like going to the beach, disagreement about going shopping etc. She would then say well how about doing a b c today and then perhaps x, y,z tomorrow. The men did not want to come shopping so we all agreed that they should stay behind and we would take the kids and then that way everyone would be happy. She used consultation and inclusion; she managed to get everyone on board.
what made me laugh though was the two husband’s said they were easy that they would go with the flow. We ended up walking to the nearest town and the kids especially the boys wanted to do some shopping! The two men became grumpy and voiced their dislike by scowling and looking completely miserable. My friend asked what their problems was? she said I asked you what you wanted to do and you said you were easy. Next time don’t lie and speak up…..you could have stayed behind and everyone would have been happy!!
When she had a disagreement with her husband or her son she would immediately talk to them about it in such a way that it got sorted. she would talk about feelings and emotions around the particular situation.
Now I know this sounds like common sense to most of you but when there has been no proper communication in your own relationship for a very long time its a revelation seeing it in practise and it makes sense to deal with things there and then!
In my relationship I would make a suggestion, my hubby would think about it, mull it over or tell me to choose. By the time he would make a decision it was too late in the day or the time had passed or i would make a decision and then he would not go along with it!!!
This made me angry and frustrated.
This went on for quite a while (years) and then in the end I started just to tell him that I was doing abc and that he was welcome to come along if he wanted to; I no longer consulted with him.
He often declined or find a reason not to come so that lead to me not even bothering telling him what I was doing; I would just do it and take the kids with me so all communication had broken down. This became the norm and before you knew it we were living two different lives.
Over the last 18months I have been on many courses and we would often only really discuss when we were working and who was going to look after the children and even this became a battle ground.
I wanted to learn more and move my business on. When he was not working he wanted to sleep or do nothing. He started to resent it when I went out on courses; he resented the money I spent and he resented that I was not at home looking after the house and maybe him.
I saw him putting blocks in my way and not being supportive. I think at this moment in time we both feel like this still but we are going to work on it :O)
The kids started to fall in the middle which was not fair. They always had someone looking after them but they became bit of afterthought rather than our main priority.
Now I have no intention on giving up on my career as a Health Coach because this is my purpose and my passion however rather than concentrating all my efforts on my business I have to find a NEW balance and this is going to be a big learning curve for me.
My friend’s approach on how she deals with her relationships was a real eye opener to me it reminded me that there once was a time when I did communicate with husband and how to actually do this. sometimes I do feel like the process is abit over the top because I do just want to get some stuff done however I have learnt and accepted that I need to do more of this.
My hubby actually said to me I am glad that you don’t go on about my feelings all the time I couldn’t deal with that. Hmmm I think that is where our problems lie and one that I will be working on from my end :O)
Have you any lessons or experiences or comments that you can pass on to me?
coming up in the next few blogs….
1) Is What I am doing right?
2) Putting pen to paper
3) The struggles of being a business owner, a mum and a wife
4) My first Hypnotherapy session 5/9/12