Working with my Life Coach and my little chats with Dax Moy in other groups I have learnt that change starts with you! Now this is not an easy pill to swallow….who likes to be told that what they believe in and what they practise on a day to day basis is not serving them well?
I don’t want to say wrong….because what I have believed has served me well up to a point it helped me survive but I am in a place in my life now that this is no longer relevant. I have just got to be able to let ago off my ‘beliefs’ and respond in a different way.
My problem was I didn’t realise what I was doing. Once it was pointed out to me I didn’t like it one bit but I thought it over for a few days and then in my head I realised that what I was doing was not serving me.
Holding on to my emotions and feelings was making me ill. Being secretive about business plans was making me feel ill.
So CHANGE starts with you! The way you react to situations causes an a chain of events which will wither make you angry or in control and calm.
Rather than reacting you need to respond to each situation appropriately……you need coping strategies…..this is what i have been taught and what has helped me respond differently.
1) Count to 10 – when I feel angry or feel like making a dig at loved ones…..smiling, walking away and counting to 10 helps
2) Saying ” I am sorry but I cannot respond to this right now because I am feeling”….angry, upset, confused……”I will talk to you about this later”
3) Saying “Sorry I have not had time to do the hoovering today because I have been doing XYZ, but I would really appreciate it if you could do the hoovering if you have a spare 10 mins” Thank you.
4) Praise your loved ones for every little thing they do even if it does not feel natural to you at the moment. After all they expect you as a wife, mother to be there and do everything…..why can you not expect the same? When it gets to a point in your relationship where everything is taken for granted point 4 is a MUST! to bring back some mutual respect and gratitude back into the relationship.
As I have said before when the above was explained to me I was angry and frustrated…..I thought ‘Why is it me that has got to do all the work? Why is is not a 50:50 effort from me and my husband?
I was told that I was the one that is aware that the relationship could not carry on as it was……I was the one that knew that something needed to change and expecting other people to change just does not work.
I must admit in my own head I was saying to myself…..if I do XYZ then Phil will do ABC and when he didn’t do this but did the opposite I was left feeling confused, frustrated and angry.
The poor bloke didn’t have a clue what I expected from him and at the moment still does not. But I am learning to respond rather than react so this is bringing about positive change in itself.
I am not saying things are easy because they are not. I really have to work at not reacting to certain situations biting my tongue, saying sorry and walking away is a big thing for me.
I am used to doing things my own way, I am used to standing my ground, I am used to protecting myself and not relying on anyone.
I have always had a backup plan…..a safety net…..a plan B.
My Personal Coach said all the while I have a Plan B, Plan A will not work. So I have scrapped any thoughts of a plan B and am going 100% after a Plan A :O)
So I am working on responding to situations and not reacting without thought! I want peace and resolution…..what about you?
If the answer is YES then you need to look at what you are doing or have done and change your response to it.
Remember “Nothing changes; if nothing changes!”
‘My Story’ will show people that I practise what I preach in the main…to the best of my knowledge at the time. I endeavour to always try and find the truth so that I can set myself FREE’
Any anyone reading ‘My Story’ can do the same :O)